Art Show - Saturday 7/31 1pm-3pm

You heard it right... I'm having another art show BUT, this time it's different... one more time (my only Tuggernaut, Tropical Thunder joke today.. I promise).

3 new pieces, lots of wine and yes, even some Spa-ing:

Zeal Med Spa & Salon
10720 Preston Rd. #1009
Dallas, TX

Invite:
http://www.facebook.com/?sk=events#!/event.php?eid=132752343425341

Quake 3 Arena player names

This is digital fucking gold folks! It's a small portion of my coveted quake names. Use them wisely and if you are good, I'll post more.

Mock Tofu
Poops McGee
Johnny Dickflap
Nintendonitis
Okra~Hoe~Muss
Cocktimus Spectactimus
Death Woobie
Deadie Bear
Fistie Cough
The Corpse Fkr
Kangaroo Vomit
DonkeyPunch, USA
Dingleberricus Maximus
Dr. DickWig!
Bewonged
BootySnakeBingo
The Lard
Pursey Lipz
Doo-Odd-EEnumm
SwarkFlong
DwankFlank
Barf Scarf
Six~Sixty~Six
Yubnub
EeCheeWaMaa!
Fruk JeeJee
Lurd Pibooka
E chu ta!
Bargon The Great
BunkyDunko
Deek
Michael J. Fux
MuggaBeezey
BlamFooFoo
Dick MehDoodle
Assimole The Magnificent
Cockey Eye'd Joe
Lee Majors
YachtRack
MegaDong!
Flip6~3Hole
BrownEye Bob
BeerFart Johnson
buttTumor
CrapWagon
DeadDong
DickDarts
PokeHerFace
BooYaakerShah
app-le Sauce
DippieDoot
Kornial
Whorpple
Dr.WolfCrap
BaDonkulus
Dong-a-ling
LingLing
The Zinger
Garlock
Yimminny
HotDumper
TwizzleShart
Admiral AssCork
DuckDick
FireFart
Cornographic
RimBurn
Craptastica
HoeBoyger
slipperyWhipper
WookiePuss
FuckHat
Sgt.PigShaft
FartseyMcBugworth
Mrs.Hankey
S.S.CatDick
LaGotcha
MuertoLicious
BioMombo
Queeftastic
norgplasm
Cheesus
cryballs
tweetballs
DickeyMoe
PhurPhluffel

Mecha Jackson

$400 million... I've got to train for a fucking European tour.. it's killing me, I do not want to do this... it's killing me. Wait, wait... wait a tic... it could kill me. I'm a showman, they want a show.. I'll give it to them.

16 years later.. in 2025.

Netlines: what appears to be a giant golden egg has "landed" in the ruins of Dubai's market district. It's approximately 97 feet tall and 41 feet thick.. wait, it's opening.

--

Netlines: hundreds of thousands killed as Mecha Jackson returns for, according to his netcast, "my revenge.. for I am the son that you created".

World blogs: We wanted to kill him but, he was too talented. He entertained us. Now... he has us.

On The Ferris Bueller Fightclub Theory

So, Ferris was actually a figment of Cameron's immagination, just like the Tyler Durden character in Fight Club? Apparently Cameron never got out of bed. The amazing Chicago adventure, the parade, the museum, the Sausage King of Chicago and his love interest Sloane.. all imagined?. This has the potential to blow my mind.

One of the odd varriables is Ferris sister, Jeanie (played by Jennifer Grey). If Ferris is Tyler, who is Jeanie?

American Elmo

On October 1st, 2009 the world will finally meet "American Idol Elmo" with......wait for it... "removable sexuality". If deadly earthquakes, floods, space debris, PigBird virus mutations, Dick Cheney or a mellon-flavored Kit Kat were not enough to leave you longing for a safe room, then what the fuck is? This is the end...the blue bus is calling us.

I can clearly see what an American Idol Elmo would look like and act like. It's an over-advertised robot programmed to destroy entertainment quality in households around the world. It sings (badly) in more languages than the pope speaks and it's lame dancing is almost as difficult to watch as Lawrence Taylor's attempt as Salsa. It's shell is soft and furry, it has meth eyes, a nuclear orange nose and it's insides are pure, mad science. I understand the Elmo, it's frightening but I get it. I have jet-fueled questions around the removable sexuality part.

Removable = detachable, demountable
Sexaulity = the condition of being characterized and distinguished by sex.

I'm at a loss for words, I'm left with many more questions than answers. Firstly, I guess we'd need to conduct a public vote to get some kind of consensus on just what sex Elmo currently is and go from there. Of course, I've had the same questions about some of the American Idol contestants.. I digress.

Do we have the ability to "man Elmo up" like C.B. Sullenberger? Can we now "glam" the Elmo like Adam Lambert then, quickly go butch like Rosy? I suppose the possibilities are mind-bendingly complex and seemingly endless.

Perhaps Elmo is a sign of things to come. First Michael Jackson gets married, then the Clay Aiken baby, Swine flu, The Slanket jedi robe .... now, removable sexuality. In the 1984 blockbuster Ghostbusters, Gozer asks the busters to choose the destroyer. Like them, I think we have picked the chosen one.. it's Elmo, American Idol Elmo... with removable sexuality.

Faithful see image of Batman in crack

Yes.. Batman.

A steady stream of the faithful and curious, many carrying Detective Comics #27 (the first appearance of the caped crusader in 1939), many dressed in the symbolically subservient "boy wonder" robe, have flocked to the DISD building in Dallas. A large crack coupled with a mysterious brown stain have formed what many believe is an image of the mythical Batman.

Police have been on 24 hour patroll at the Ross avenue building as hundreds of worshippers have arrived in DIY batmobiles with plastic utility belts and damaged action figures in hand. "We believe it's a sign.. a miracle.. and fuck knows we need one", said Bill Finger 42, an unemployed substitute teacher.

The crack/stain is likely the result of a dwindling city budget and mishandling of taxpayer dollars but, DISD and city officials are not swayed. "We're treating this like any type of roadside memorial," said spokesman Bob Kane. "We have no plans to remove it, hell.. we don't have the budget".

DC comics archdiocese Malcolm Nicholson appeared in spirit vapor form to indicate that he had not received any requests to authenticate the crack/stain as of Monday. He did however say, "these things don't happen every day. We think that it may somehow be tied to the DISD request for a $125 million loan in 2008.. there's no way to be sure at this point... Isis and Shazam are on the case".

To spite naysayers, people around the world (esp. white men in their 40's) continue to respond to images of superheroes. "I don't give 4 shits about what people think.. one day people may see my image in a crack," said an unknown man dressed in a Green Lantern costume.

Hope, fear, unecessary personal expendatures riding on the sore backs of taxpayers.. we may never know why the image of Batman has appeared in front of the DISD building but, one thing is certain.. it's no joke.